Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
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