dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
