need another drink. this is the easiest way
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
