I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
