you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
