saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
