i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
