The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
