it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
two words...techno handjob
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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