In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
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that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
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do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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