you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
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