Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
