Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
