I'd wear matching sweaters with you
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
