she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
