Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
