Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
