I wish I could teleport
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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