sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
