I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
