By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
