Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
