I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Randomize
