Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
another moral hangover. fuck.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
