Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
