she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
