Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
