Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
