Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
