Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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