Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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