You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize