I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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