We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
