I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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