I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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