im having a threesome with these popsicles
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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