Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
