party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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