My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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