hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize