Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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