omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
