Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
