Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
