I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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