$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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