YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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