I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
