I got chris browned last night
I'm lost and stupid without you.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Randomize
