I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
