I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
