It's like God shit irony all over that family
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
