wanna go halves on a baby?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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