SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
