Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
