I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
