and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
