I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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