I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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