he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
