i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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