Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
