Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
i think my cat just said my name.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
