I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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