Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
