I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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