He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.