I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.