why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine