If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly