So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
