Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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