I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
