omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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