my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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