weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
