I want to have your abortion
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
