...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
