I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Be still, my beating vagina.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
